Skunk in the Garden, a Short Story of Hollywood

For the record, I thought it was a bad idea, calling Derek’s agent. Maybe I didn’t stop Breck from doing it, but I wasn’t actually part of the plan — to call Derek’s agent posing as our producer, and cancel Derek’s Wildwood audition.

“We don’t even know he’s going to get it,” I’d tried to tell Breck. He was still in his Lively Bunnies T-shirt, the one he wore for every episode. Derek had just announced that he’d gotten a call for the role of Shaun Signor on the monstrous hit streaming show Wildwood.

Lively Bunnies, the animated kids show we’d worked on for the last six years, had its own kind of niche popularity with kids and their families; the ways in which it was part of everyday pop culture never ceased to amaze me.

Derek was the draw, the ironic star of Lively Bunnies: all tattoos, slick hair, and piercings, but as Daddy Bunny, slow, sweet, and caring. The idea of the show without Derek seemed fragile and vulnerable, and after finally making a steady paycheck in Hollywood, the rest of the cast wasn’t ready to remember what it was like before success.

The day after Breck’s call, we were doing some touch-ups to finalize an episode. I was in for one of my three Bunny family kid voices. “‘Daddy Bunny, if the skunk keeps eating our carrots, what will we eat?’” Poor Matteo Bunny was anxious about discovering that the Bunny garden had been attacked by skunks.

Derek sat across from me in the booth, ready to record Daddy Bunny’s explanation of ecosystems.

He leaned into the mic turning his head slightly to the left to look directly at me. “We can plant a pretend garden for the skunk right next to our garden, Matteo, dear!”

His voice was that of a kindly father, authoritative and whimsical at once. But, Derek’s demeanor in face, body and voice told me that he must’ve shown up to the Wildwood audition and been told he was no longer scheduled.

I had a series of excitement sounds to record next. “Oh”, “Ooh”, and “Eek!” for Matteo as he and Daddy Bunny planted the second garden. Our director, Liam, excused Derek. Rather than go back to the live room, though, he glared at me from outside the booth, scratching the top of his right hand in a psychotic rhythmic pattern.

Through the recording studio window I saw Breck. He looked as though he was planning on coming inside but upon noticing Derek, turned around and left.

In the middle of my sounds, my breath seemed to run out and I broke.

Liam flipped off the ‘Recording’ light and spoke into the booth mic. “The fuck, man? We only have an hour. We need to redo the ecosystem bit from that last take, and I have to get these excitement dubs. What do you need? Water? To piss?”

“Yeah, a quick break to pee.”

“Fine. Five minutes. We’ll work the Henry Hedgehog stealing the owl’s nest scene.” Liam called for Breck and he slunk into the booth. We didn’t make eye contact.

Derek waited for me outside the booth door after I used the restroom. “Sounded good in there, buddy. Doing something new for Matteo’s anxiety beats?”

“Thanks, man,” I said, reaching for the booth door.

“Hey, what’s the rush?” he asked. “Breck’s working his scene right now. You’re good.”

“Liam was kinda pissed about breaking, so I better—”

“Nah, you’re fine.” Derek’s face was impossibly close to me. I could smell cigarettes on his breath.

He stared at me. “Do you know how long I’ve been in LA trying to make it?”

I stared back, silent, hoping I looked clueless.

“Did you hear me? I finally had a chance to make it. Someone fucked me over.”

“Derek, news flash. This is making it.” I gestured around the booth.

Derek closed in to me. His bottom middle teeth were crooked, lined up sideways in defiance. ”This is a fucking kid’s show. It’s not acting.”

My heart rippled, first with hurt, then with fury. “Fuck you,” I said.

Derek put his hand on my chest and I stepped backward against the recording booth window, creating a shake. I swatted his hand. “Don’t touch me.”

“‘Don’t touch me.’” Derek imitated my Matteo voice. “‘Don’t be better than me, Daddy Bunny. Don’t move on from our little garden world, our made-up bullshit universe. Stay, Daddy Bunny, stay.’” His impression of me was spot on.

I pushed Derek’s shoulders enough to move him back a step. “It wasn’t me. Ok? I didn’t call.”

Derek slowly shook his head, his lips tight. There was a waft of sweat in the air. “Then who? Which of you assholes did it?”

We stood in a standoff for a beat. I wouldn’t throw Breck under the bus. The line had been drawn finally, officially: there was Derek, and there was the rest of us.

Liam opened the booth door. “What are you guys doing out here, sniffing dicks? We need to finish touching up the Matteo and Daddy Bunny ecosystem shit. Vamanos.”

Derek and I joined Breck in the booth. Inside, the ink of Derek’s sleeve tattoos seemed brighter, bolder.

“Okay,” said Liam into the mic. “From your line, Daddy Bunny, starting with ‘…skunks use the meadow for food.’”

Derek stood up straight and stretched his jaw until it clicked. “So you see, my son,” he started, in the perfect fatherly bunny voice, “skunks use the meadow for food. They help by keeping pests out of our garden: the rodents and insects that don’t have much to offer.”

In my peripheral vision, Liam was leaning toward the booth window. Derek had gone off script. “Those are smaller, weaker animals.” He looked at me and smiled.

The air was thick.

“We can try to rid the garden of the skunk,” he continued, “but sometimes, just when we’ve returned to harmony and forgotten all about him, well, my dear boy, he comes back.”

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