A New Mother; Matritva

10 Months Ago

I had a sharp shooting pain in my lower abdomen for several days. So, the attending physician advised me to have an ultrasound. On the scheduled day, I reached the hospital for the examination. After taking the token number for the test, I sat in the general waiting area with my fellow patients.

I don’t know why I have this weird habit of observing people but in the waiting area I noticed lots of unique people. Out of the crowd, one woman caught my eye. She was in her mid-thirties, with a pale face, maybe due to anaemia. Huge, dark clung below her dull eyes, her lack of sleep evident. In her exhausted arms, she held a three-month neonate baby.

Beside her, a pregnant woman held a pregnancy book, with earphones tucked in. On her other side, the seat was empty. But another, older woman kind of sat guarding the seat.

It all seemed hilariously surreal to me. 

The voice of a nurse boomed in the room calling for someone’s token number, startling me. The older woman got up from her seat and bickered with the nurse. Then after a few heated moments between them, the old woman returned to that guarded seat near the new mother.

Surprisingly, as all the chaos happened around her, the new mother sat quietly nonchalant. It seemed like she was physically present there but her mind was entranced by something else. Apparently surprised by this, the pregnant woman beside her spoke to her.

Before you condemn me for eavesdropping, let me clarify here that I was sitting right in front of them, unable to not hear them.

The pregnant woman asked, “Hello sister. Are you okay? You seem troubled.”

The new mother didn’t reply, which didn’t seem strange to me. I could she that she remained in the trance-like state.

“Sister, you shouldn’t be holding newborns like this. It is harmful for them.”

When she said that, I noticed that the baby’s head was falling downward. I thought this strange because I have always heard that new mothers ooze with motherhood and instinct. But in this case, it seemed like she had no concern for the baby. Ignoring the other red flags, my brain compensated with the thought: Maybe she is exhausted?

The other woman shifted and lifted the newborn’s head. This drew the new mother from her trance. The other woman addressed the mother. “This is how the book says to hold the baby.” She held out the book in front of her. “Sister, see in this book? It’s written for newborn care.”

But when the woman looked up to see a response, she found the new mother staring into space. The other woman stopped speaking, embarrassed, and went back to reading.

After a while, a man in his forties came near the mother and asked her if she had had something to eat. She was his wife, it appeared, and she didn’t give him a response. He sighed and said, “Suvarna, I’ll hold the baby.” As he scooped up the child, I realised how loosely she had been holding the infant. 

The older woman on the other side commented, “Oh sweet mother of lord! These modern mothers don’t even know how to hold a child, how to respect elders.” The older woman now ranted at the people around, while slandering the mother.

“Leave this to the adults! She is not even respecting her husband, not caring for the bud which she germinated. If the child is not wanted then why should anyone give birth?”

The man was startled by this statement. Hurriedly he defended his wife.”No, no Aunty. You’re getting everything wrong. We want him. It’s just that she and I had a fight this morning and she is still somewhat angry with me.”

Even now, while this whole drama unfolded, the most bizarre thing I found was the young mother’s reaction. Earlier, she had been calm and emotionless, which scared me. But now, suddenly she broke and hysterically shouted at that older woman. The sudden shift startled me into dropping what I held.

“Why the hell are you being so nosy? Don’t you have your own life to poke around in? What we do with this homewrecker is none of your business! Our decisions. Get a life, you old hag!” The young mother seethed.

Amid the chaos, the baby awakened and seemed to inhale the distress in the air. He started wailing, fueling his mother’s anger further. She turned towards her husband and shouted while pointing at the baby. “Stop the crying! Stop! Make him stop!” She covered herself and started chanting these words over and over.

That older woman returned to her obloquying. “Oh, good Lord in heaven! How are you letting this sinner breathe? She should burn in the fiery pits of hell. Tell me who condemns their own child, their own blood like this? Evil spirits have grasped her! Listen son, if you want to live, take her to the priest! Otherwise she will ruin your whole family. Or worse! Put an end to that innocent’s life.”

Fear and worry became evident on the young husband’s face. In an attempt at calming the room, he defended his wife. “No. No! She is okay. She’s just a little ill, that’s all. Everyone, please calm down.”

Suddenly we heard Suvarna sobbing. This took me by surprise – her sudden shift of emotion. Through her sobs she spoke, “I am ill to you Mahesh. Before he was born I was okay. But now I’m crazy. Like this old hag said, I’m evil. Everything was fine before this child was born!”

As we stared onward, unsure of what to do or say, she gradually grew quiet. I wanted to trust things would be okay but I could tell that she didn’t have things under control. This was a temporary lull of the storm.

The elderly woman started harping again. “Everyone just see how this insolent child of God is acting! Archana, you know in my town there was a similar thing. There was this young lady who gave birth to a boy and – oh, dear God give this child strength! That young mother got possessed by evil! Went crazy and tried to hurt her own blood. Can you imagine that!”

Archana, the elderly woman’s companion, said, “Oh god, what happened after that?”

The elderly woman in a mocking tone responded, “What will happen! That wench was thrown out of the village. And that evil young woman was acting similar to her.” She pointed accusingly at the young mother with us in the waiting room.

Suvarna stopped sobbing, lifted her head and said,” You’re absolutely right, I should do the same thing.”

As she said this, she got up calmly and, without warning, lunged towards her husband who was holding the neonate. If it hadn’t been for two nurses and a compound boy nearby, she could have seriously hurt the baby. 

In shock, I watched as she thrashed about, animalistically shouting, “Leave me alone! I’ll end him and my misery both! I was okay without you. Why did you have to come into my life? You were supposed to bring joy, not misery!”

I rushed to call the doctor. He came with me quickly, partially inspired by the ruckus he heard behind doors. We rushed towards the couple as I explained briefly what was happening.

“Sedate her with two milligrams Diazepam. No, no. It’s okay. This will help. Everyone, leave her alone – go back to your seats.”

He looked at Suvarna. “Please maintain appropriate decorum. This is a hospital.” Turning to the nurses he added, “Sisters please admit her to the ward. Take the baby to the paediatric department. Monitor both of them.” Then, to the room he asked, “Who is with her?”

Her husband said, “I’m her husband, Mahesh.”

“Please, follow me. Sister May, do the proper checks on the baby and submit a report to Dr. Ashish. Then, after examining…” he paused, looking at the woman.

“Suvarna,” Mahesh offered.

“…Mrs.Suvarna, send her reports to me. Mahesh, please choose one witness for this event who can give us an unbiased explanation. Remain seated here, though, and I’ll send for you.”

After that, everything returned to normal.

When I returned my focus to the waiting room, I found Mahesh standing in the corridor. Upon making eye contact, he walked towards me and said, “Thank you very much Miss. If it wasn’t for you I’m afraid things would have gotten much worse.”

I stopped him. “No, no. It is our duty to help others. Don’t worry brother, elder sister and little pie will be alright.”

He hesitantly said, “Miss, I know it was presumptive of me to ask you to give the explanation. I didn’t think you’d call my Suvarna evil or crazy.”

“I’m happy to help however I can.”

***

We entered the designated room where the doctor signalled us to sit down. He offered water but we both declined.

“How are they?” Mahesh asked.

The doctor calmly smiled. “The baby is fine. Suvarna is a little bit unstable but we have an overnight treatment that should stabilise her and help long-term. But first, I must diagnose the root issue.”

The doctor then turned to me. “Please tell me what happened earlier when the commotion erupted.”

I tried my best to recount every detail in as unbiased a manner as possible. Both the men calmly listened to me, the doctor from time to time making notes on his notepad. Suvarna’s husband listened with a grateful expression on his face.

After hearing me out, the doctor asked Mahesh several questions about his wife’s mental, physical, emotional, living, and familial status. Then, he turned to the topic of the baby. “How has Suvarna been doing since giving birth? Has she struggled to bond with the child?”

Mahesh seemed reluctant to answer, so I took that as my cue to leave. I started up from my seat.

“Please, stay. You’re the only other person concerned about my wife,” Mahesh noted. “You don’t think she’s evil or crazy.”

I looked at the Doctor. He paused for a moment, then nodded. Turning to Mahesh, he said, “Mr. Mahesh, if you want your wife to be treated accurately, please tell me about her relationships with the baby, you, and family. There is no judgement here. I need to know her emotional state and anything that could be relevant with your wife’s outbursts.”

Mahesh took a deep breath, paused for a while to collect his thoughts, then began speaking. “Suvarna and I had an arranged marriage almost twelve years ago. Our married life– I can’t say we were happy to begin with but we managed to live with each other peacefully. Love felt like a liability to us back then. But by God’s grace, I have grown to love her and I hope she has me.

“Our families live together. It’s not a festival! We deal with many differences – of thoughts, desires, values, the way we govern our lives. But everything is going okay or it at least is to me. Suvarna, she tries to meet the demands and desires of everyone in the household.”

Mahesh stopped and sighed.

Dr. Mahendra encouraged him to continue by saying, “That’s right Mahesh. Every family has its own disputes. So, if you are uncomfortable with that and if it is not relevant to your wife’s condition, you don’t need to say anything more about it.”

Mahesh looked at the doctor for a moment, then continued. “You know the pressure on women for child bearing increases as they age. Unfortunately, we were unable to have children for eleven years. We tried many times. Many times, Suvarna got pregnant. Maybe the Almighty had different plans for us? She lost the baby every time. 

“Then, five years ago, Dr. Parekh told us that Suvarna’s body couldn’t survive another pregnancy and that we should think of other ways to have a child like adoption or surrogacy. We talked about this with our family but they refused. Trust me, sir, they are not backward people but they do have some conservative beliefs that hold them back from the ever changing world.”

He paused again but this time Mahesh looked as though he was struggling.

After a long pause he spoke again. “After knowing her condition, her agony increased. It seemed this revelation had come to torment her. Then, an unknown person started slandering her. She managed to maintain decorum and never spoke up, never said anything.” Mahesh looked broken by this, tears streaming down his face.

I, too, became emotional. I knew this story all too well with other women I had known. They are blamed for infertility and miscarriages. No man is ever blamed; nor society, nor medicine.

Mahesh took a few moments to compose himself, then he began again. “When I realised what was happening, I suggested we opt for adoption. But, as you know, bloodlines. They mean so much to some people. Finally, though, a year later, we decided to try IVF.

“This time God heard us and it was successful. But our decision was heavily opposed by the  elders. Over time, though, when they knew it was a boy, they accepted our decision. By God’s grace, Suvarna’s delivery was normal. But soon after, she changed.”

Mahesh looked thoughtful as he continued. “She wouldn’t eat properly and didn’t care for herself. And she couldn’t care for the baby. She just stared into space. Sometimes she was angry for no reason. Other times, she seemed anguished. Or cried hysterically. All the while, she blamed our baby.

“She hasn’t slept much, finds the baby’s crying annoying and then blames herself for everything that she can’t handle and for the baby crying. All this scares me, so I approached the elders of the house about what to do. They said she is going through a phase which all mothers go through. ‘She will be good as new in a few weeks.’

“I shouldn’t have listened to them. I should have taken her to the hospital then. I should have cared for her better.” He choked on his tears of regret and guilt.

We sat in silence giving him time to grieve and regain himself. He needed to purge his system of these painful emotions before he could continue – before he could be ready to rectify this near-tragedy.

Finally, Dr. Mahendra spoke. “Mahesh, you need to be strong. The path ahead will be difficult. The years of her suppressed emotions and pain – not being able to have a baby. Now, having a baby and feeling so vulnerable. This vulnerability has deepened with hormones and changes in her body since giving birth. She will need all the love, care, and support you can give her.”

The doctor paused and looked Mahesh in the eyes purposefully. “Based on this whole picture, of her history, her behaviour, Suvarna is probably suffering from postpartum depression. These months since the baby was born, this depression has progressed and made it difficult for Suvarna to think clearly or take control of herself.”

“Postpartum depression? What is that, doctor, sir?” Mahesh looked back at the doctor with uncertainty.

“Many times, women who have recently given birth have hormone and bodily shifts which impact their emotions. It’s looked poorly upon by society for women to speak up when they suffer from these changes. Taboos, conservative beliefs, lack of understanding from others – they can all develop into something deeper: depression. This is what Suvarna is likely dealing with.”

Dr. Mahendra signalled for me to continue. “I am going to go see Suvarna. The nurse will explain more.”

The nurse who had joined us sat across from Mahesh and spoke gently. “Postpartum depression affects up to fifteen percent of new mothers. People with postpartum depression experience emotional highs and lows, frequent crying, fatigue, guilt, and anxiety. Sometimes, they have difficulty caring for their babies. But don’t worry brother,” she said.

“Postpartum depression can be treated with medication and counselling. Plenty of emotional rest, support from you, and enough sleep will also help. A healthy diet and slowly adding in exercise will promote healing.”

Mahesh seemed to understand and looked relieved: there was hope for Suvarna and their baby.

Present Day

Ten months passed after that incident with Suvarna. I never got the chance to talk with the couple again but sometimes Dr. Mehendra gave me updates on how the family was doing, with Mahesh and Suvarna’s permission.

One day recently, I was in my office when a message popped up on my phone. A message from Dr. Mahendra: “She will be discharged from the counselling services this week.”

He also sent a video which had been recorded by brother Mahesh showing Suvarna affectionately playing with their son. The smile on both of their faces warmed my heart.

I know that there are many mothers out there who want to be understood and cared for. They want to be supported and become unbound from the chains of conservative beliefs. I know they want to speak up for themselves.

My trance broke when the telephone rang. I picked it up and responded. “Hello, Thank you for calling MATRITVA, an organisation for helping new mothers. I’m Sanshita Alok. How may I help you?”

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