I Said Nothing
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**Trigger warning: Sexual assault**
“I Said Nothing”. Poem by Amanda Valerie Judd. Performed by Sue Cook. Directed and Edited by Rita Mock-Pike for the MockingOwl Roost.
I knew it was wrong.
I mean, I thought it was wrong
the minute it happened —
something just felt wrong,
but I said nothing.
You were my best friend’s father —
felt like a father to me.
All four of us — me, you, her, and your son,
were in a pile on the floor
wrestling and laughing —
it could have been an accident,
you might have grabbed me there,
between my legs, by mistake,
so, I said nothing.
I didn’t want to hurt anyone.
Your wife — like a second mother to me —
would have been devastated, in disbelief,
your daughter would have been disgusted, distraught —
neither would have forgiven me
for a false accusation,
so, I said nothing.
I continued to visit your house,
even still had sleepovers with your daughter —
I just made sure that you and I were never
alone together, but sometimes
the looks from you and the subtle
maneuvering to sit next to me, to hug me,
to put an arm around me — seemed wrong.
I knew it was wrong,
but still, I said nothing.
Your family moved out of state not long after
and I thought I forgot all about those moments,
but years later, when you and your son
returned to town visiting relatives, it all
came back to me,
and I continued to say nothing.Why bring it up now? It could only cause pain.
Did it even really happen the way I remembered?
Instead, I made arrangements to meet
with you and your son to reminisce
about the good old days.
With my own father now elderly
and in failing health, I longed to go back
to my childhood when all I had to worry about
was not getting my clothes too dirty and
being home before dark.
Well, until that day when I first decided
to say nothing.
At the MockingOwl Roost we are incredibly aware of the dangers and the physical, sexual, emotional, and spiritual harm many have experienced at the hands of abusers in all environs. We see you. We hear you. We long for your well-being and healing.
If you are in any danger of abuse and reading this, we encourage you to reach out to one of the national and international hotlines to receive support and assistance. You are worthy of love, health, and healing. You deserve to be free of these painful relationships and harmful situations. Please reach out.
You are not alone.
We are not done. We will keep fighting. We will keeping speaking out against injustice.
- Domestic Violence is Real – Spoken Word Performance
- A Moment of Discovery – Flash Fiction
- Helpline – Poetry
- Too Pointless – a Family Fiction Story
- I Remember — Poetry Reading
- The Girl in the Sand – an Allegory
Amanda Valerie Judd
Amanda Valerie Judd has an AFA in Creative Writing from Normandale Community College. In 2020, she was the winner of the Patsy Lea Core Prize for Poetry. In 2021, her poem, “My Only Label” was nominated for “Best of the Net 2021.” Her work has been published in Trouvaille Review, Prospectus, Talking Stick 30, NoVA Bards 2021, and is forthcoming in Panoply.
Find more on Amanda’s Facebook.
Sue Cook lives in Freeport, Illinois with her husband Randy and two dogs. Her passions include assistance dogs, rescue dogs, music, acting, theater, poetry, and Doctor Who. She’s been in both film and theater and is a regular cast member of the podcast Doctor Who’s Line is it….Anyway? Sue is an advocate for the use of Service Dogs to assist their disabled handlers to maintain their independence. Quigley’s Quest, her first children’s book, addresses how a dog becomes a Service Dog.
1 Comment
Wonderful reading, Sue! Thank you for giving such a powerful voice to my poem!