A Saturnalia Story
Image by Klara Kulikova from Unsplash
Candice “Juno-X” Swanson didn’t set out to win the war on Christmas all those years ago.
What made Swanson livestream her modern Saturnalia was likely a combination of reasons: sheer boredom, having too many drinks when her weekend plans fell through, and a sense of defiance against the Christmas-ites, who evoked fear in the name of “religious freedom.”
She wasn’t considered a revolutionary “founding mother” until many years later, after her livestream was recreated in melodramas made to celebrate the first modern Saturnalia.
Swanson probably didn’t know she was updating an ancient rite. She simply opened her livestream one day in mid-December and talked about how the holidays were making her blue, and how looking at Christmas decorations depressed her, citing their ‘hollow messaging coming through their joyless sloppy renditions’ of what the holiday represented.
While other despondent streamers would turn off their phones and call it a day, Juno-X kept going as she went into the street, desperate to find some cheer.
She streamed herself asking strangers if they wanted to celebrate the holidays with her. After many rejections, she wound up at a small homeless encampment, under the overpass that sliced through the impoverished neighborhood. The people she met there were as much in need of holiday cheer as she was, and viewers watched as introductions led to greater merriment.
Then things took a turn for the controversial. As they sat around a freshly started bonfire, Swanson recalled a pig roast she attended in her youth, and shared this memory with the party.
Some crude comments about “roasting pigs” led to an impromptu singing of the Beatles song “Piggies” by some of the partygoers, at which everyone laughed and cheered. No one is known to have sacrificed any actual rich people or pigs that night, but the myth continues to persist despite the lack of evidence.
The livestream and party ended with impromptu giving of found baubles to everyone. They shared smiles and hugs all around. That first year, only a few thousand watched the event live.
But it picked up viewers when people hoping to topple the oligarchy released archived versions of the stream as a symbol of camaraderie among the oppressed. When the revolution succeeded, those wanting a clean break from the old order embraced the modern Saturnalia as depicted in Candice Swanson’s stream.
Thus Juno-X, all alone during the Christmas season, became the mother of the modern Saturnalia and has since been admired by all.
Looking for stories like this one? Try these out:
- The Jewfish – Holiday Fiction
- A Gift for Sandy – Holidays
- Taking Down the Tree – Holidays
- Epiphany – Holidays
James Ryan
James Ryan has published the novels RAGING GAIL, RED JENNY AND THE PIRATES OF BUFFALO, and STATUES TO SILENCE; a collection of stories from ROOFTOP SESSIONS entitled ALT TOGETHER NOW, and the monograph “THE PIRATES OF NEW YORK”. His recent stories have appeared in the anthologies GABBA GABBA HEY!, TREES, THE FANS ARE BURIED TALES, CONSPIRACIES AND CRYPTIDS VOLUME I, RUTH AND ANN’S GUIDE TO TIME TRAVEL VOLUME I, and DRAGON MYTHICANA. His column “Fantasia Obscura” about obscure older fantastic films and their modern context runs at FORCES OF GEEK.
Find James on all his social media accounts on LinkTree.
