The Never

Published by Julie Hazlett at August 9, 2021

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**Trigger warning: Depression and inference to suicide. If you are having suicidal thoughts or actions, please contact the National Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273-8255. There is always someone there to talk/assist you. You are not alone.**

I looked into the never, to see what held me here.
What power did it have, that me, it could ensnare?
It held a thousand pieces I lost along the way.
As I watched, these pieces lost, the stories did replay.

Family and health were taken, all with greatest ease.
Home and God I gave away, seeing no more need.
Dreams were next but only half, from nightmares no reprieve.
Then on my birthday salvation’s light took her final leave.

Piece by piece the never grew as more of me did stray.
When it grew, the less I was, as I gave each piece away.
What I am or am not, the never holds it all.
The never that defines my life building all the walls.

The never changed to nowhere, nowhere left to go.
Into myself is where I went; the last place I still know.
The never and the nowhere, together both as one.
The never that is my sight reveals what I’ve become.

The nowhere became nothing, and brought with it the cold.
Nothing right, nothing wrong, nothing to be told.
Never, nowhere, nothing; the trinity forms one.
The never taking everything and turning all to none.

I looked into the never and saw in here I dwelt.
In the center, locked in place, forever here had knelt.
As I looked, the never took forever as its prize.
When the never steals forever; faith itself then dies.

It was here, in never’s fear, when I finally broke
Darkened eyes and burning skies, choking on the smoke.
When never and forever breathe as a single breath;
Intertwined, crossing lines, hope succumbs to death.

Julie Hazlett

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Julie Hazlett, of South Bend, Indiana, creates art using many materials from tinted mica powders to special effects makeup. When not creating this art “officially,” she is driven to learn the things and whys of life and the world.