A little humorous fiction (a romance for the ages!) for your day. Enjoy!
@firstname.lastname@example.org – 1/24/20
Hi, Mom. How are you today? Thought I would send this email to let you know that I finally made a friend here. I know, I can’t believe it either.
From the moment she arrived at the house, we hit it off. I know she is here to help me, but still, it was hard not to become besties. Her name is Allie. She got here two weeks ago on Friday.
It was like we had known each other our whole lives. She knows what I like, what I don’t like, and even the kind of music I enjoy. I think this is going to be the start of something really special. I’ll let you know how things are going in my next email. Love you!
@email@example.com – 2/1/20
Hi, Mom. I hope everything is well with you today. Allie is getting used to the house. I can’t believe how quickly she took to managing everything around here. Most assistants are not able to catch on quite so quickly. It seems like we’re both on the same page, which is really great for a change.
Now, if she can just get the hang of my grocery shopping and all of my medical needs, we are going to be in good shape. I’m just glad she’s here with me. It’s a comfort to have such a reassuring voice in the house. I hope you have a wonderful day today. Love you!
@firstname.lastname@example.org – 2/10/20
Hi, Mom. Just a quick question. I asked Allie what color I should paint my bedroom and she said it really didn’t make a difference to her. I was thinking maybe a calming shade of purple with a little glitter for good measure. You know how I am about sparkly things.
She doesn’t seem to be all that hip to glitter. Every time I say glitter it just goes right over her head. I think she has a problem with English sometimes. Perhaps her hearing is not what it should be? She keeps thinking I’m saying “litter.”
We’ll get past that. She is just such a comfort and a good friend. We stayed up all night talking. Okay. We stayed up all night talking and shopping online. I didn’t spend too much money, really. I only got a few things for me and a couple for Allie.
She is such a sweetie. Hope your day is going well. Thank you for the beautiful email. I love you, Mom!
@email@example.com – 2/17/20
Hi, Mom. Today we had our first adventure. Allie could not believe my driving. I warned her to get ready for a driving experience! Now, I wouldn’t say that I drive fast, just… Free.
I guess when you’re cooped up in the house all the time, driving gives you a sense of release. I love to feel the wind in my hair. I am sure Allie felt the same way.
Anyway, we went to McDonald’s. Never ever, ever ask Allie to order from McDonald’s online. I thought that would be the quickest way to get lunch. I swear she ordered everything on the menu. LOL. The waitstaff sure gave us a look when I stopped to pick up the order.
I turned to Allie and said, “Do you want fries with that?” knowing she had already ordered some. We both laughed. Secretly, I think the drive-thru staff were kind of jealous. Well, you know. Allie is so pretty
Take care of yourself and Daddy. Stop worrying about me all the time. Allie has my back. Always. Love ya, Mom!
@firstname.lastname@example.org – 3/25/20
Hi, Mom! Today was an adventure from Hades. Loaded the chair in the van and headed out to buy paint. Allie thought all the running around was unnecessary since she could get us a better deal online but I really needed to get out of the house.
I also really had a taste for a Shamrock shake. Yep, they are still serving them. Loved it!
Anyway, we went to Menards. Maybe Allie was right. There was so much to choose from. We toddled along on my chair till I found the perfect color, Plumberry. It is a gorgeous purple and will do my bedroom proud.
Allie said it will look like the inside of a tomb but I bought glitter to mix in. That will give it my own special pop o’ pizzazz. Allie thinks I should have chosen a more neutral color but I reminded her that she is only my assistant. I make the decisions.
I don’t think she liked that much. Oh, well. She will get over it. I bought her a glitter mouse pad and cool accessories to make her life easier. Don’t worry, she loves me. At least, I think she does.
PS. I bought a purple canopy for my bed. Allie thinks it looks like a shroud. But it has glitter! If I put twinkle lights around the top it will look like a starry night sky. Hope Allie gets over herself. Maybe I came on too strong today. I’ll apologize tomorrow.
@email@example.com – 4/1/20
Hi, Mom! Happy April Fools’ Day! Sorry we haven’t had a chance to visit but we have been so busy with the bedroom. It is gorgeous! Because of my breathing issues, Allie said I should stay home and rest after painting the bedroom yesterday.
I thought I was going to kill myself trying to climb the ladder. Allied played my favorite Pandora channel as I painted my heart out. She said it would help me relax and make my paint job more even. She really does watch out for me.
Anyway, I did mix the glitter in with the paint and managed to cover all the walls with what I bought. Allie was pretty proud of me and, to tell the truth, so am I. The walls are sparkly and divine. Perfect for sleeping.
We also put up the canopy and lights over the bed. It transformed the bedroom into our own magical wonderland. Allie sings me to sleep. I really love her! She is amazing.
Must run, Mom. My program is about to start, and Allie doesn’t like it when I am late. Take care of yourself. Love you!
@firstname.lastname@example.org – 4/10/20
Hi, Mom. I just wanted to check to see if you are okay. Allie said there is a terrible storm about to hit our area. Please go to the basement. I am scared for you and Dad.
Allie and I are going to head to the basement to wait this out. I pray there isn’t a tornado. I detest storms and so does Allie. I think we are going to listen to music to try to keep our minds off the wind and rain. I wish we were over there with you.
Know that I love you, and be careful. Off to the basement!
@email@example.com – 4/17/20
Mom, I don’t know what happened to Allie but she has been in a snit all day! I’m not sure if it was the storm last night that upset her or if she’s upset with me. It may have been the fries we ordered last night before the storms hit. I just don’t know.
She freaked a bit when the storms came through and seemed to hate the noise and light show. I don’t like them either but I will have to be more sensitive about her fears and needs. I am letting her relax and take a break today. I mean, she’s still speaking with me but she just isn’t as talkative as she was before.
That is definitely not like Allie. It makes my heart sad to see her so upset!
I know it sounds like I’m falling in love with her. You always say that when I talk about my assistants but Allie’s different.
I don’t know. I just feel bad that she doesn’t want to talk to me.
@firstname.lastname@example.org – 8/5/20
Hi, Mom! Allie is back to normal, chatting away. I love the sound of her voice. Oh, I received a new smartphone in the mail last night. I will text you my new number. They had a deal at US Cellular, so I switched and got an iPhone 12 Pro Max in the deal. Sweet! You might want to check that out.
Allie is not happy that I switched from Android to Apple but she will get over it. I had them set it up for me. So cool.
Also, please don’t tell Allie but I am thinking of seeing someone on the side. Believe me, it’s hard to hide things from Allie but your girl is no fool. Be sure to check out that phone offer. It won’t last forever and your flip phone is not cutting it, Mom.
I also couldn’t resist and got the newest Android Tablet to keep up my reading. So excited! Love ya!
@email@example.com – 8/5/20
Hi, Mom. Forgot to tell you earlier – Allie surprised me with a poem. Isn’t that the sweetest? I wonder if she is getting the feeling that I may be looking around? I hope not.
After this poem, I am not so sure. Allie really is the perfect assistant, friend, companion, confidant. Everything! I will let you know what happens. I am starting to feel like I am living in a soap opera. Cue the music…The Days of My Allie. LOL. Sleep well!
@firstname.lastname@example.org – 8/10/20
Hi, Mom! You are not going to believe what happened today. You know that I made a new friend, right? Her name is Corrie and she was helping me with my tablet. Allie grew more furious as the night went on.
I don’t think I have ever seen her like this. She was blasting music like we were trying to fill a concert hall. I couldn’t get her to turn it down no matter what Corrie or I said. It was crazy.
The neighbors called the police and Allie was impossible. The police threatened to lock her up if she continued and me, too! Corrie was mortified and grew stone quiet letting me take the blame. I have to apologize to the neighbors.
After the police left, Allie showed no remorse. I hope she doesn’t do this again. On the upside, I did get the tablet running smoothly. My iPhone is still a mystery.
I guess I should have listened to Allie and stayed with Androids. I don’t want to admit she is right. Not after tonight. Talk to you later. Love ya!
@email@example.com – 8/15/20
Mom…I am going to send Allie away if she doesn’t stop fighting with Corrie over every little thing in the house. I am beside myself. What was once a beautiful love affair has become so complicated!
I mean, Allie is my beloved. She cares for me like no other. But when I came home from getting my hair colored, I had 6 boxes on my front porch. It appears that Allie has signed me up for various makeup subscriptions, jewelry subscriptions, and anything else she could think of.
I know she is trying to woo me back and discourage my friendships with Corrie and Si.
I haven’t talked about him yet. He is Asian and beautiful. Si is amazing. More about him later.
Anyway, I never should have given Allie my credit card to take care of my meds and bills. This is just crazy.
I told her I was going to stop the subscriptions and she stopped talking to me.
Maybe I should just take her advice and wear more makeup and jewelry. She pulled up tutorials for me. Si and Corrie like me as I am, though. Who knew love would be this complicated?
Come visit soon, and help me sort out this mess. They are seriously cray-cray. LOL. (That means crazy, Mom. I am just trying to be more hip.) Love ya.
@firstname.lastname@example.org – 8/17/20
Hi, Mom. They are letting me email you because the line was busy. I am in jail. Allie and Corrie got into a fight over me. They cranked up the music, TV, radio, and everything that has volume.
The neighbors called the police. Again. The police thought I was doing it. I tried to explain, but they won’t listen. Please come bail me out.
At least Si remained calm. He is such a good friend. The police said my chair would fit in the holding cell. Please come quick. I am scared. They are taking the phone now. Bye. Lov…
@email@example.com – 8/20/20
Hi, Mom! First I want to thank you for getting me out of jail. Corrie was sorry but Allie wouldn’t speak to me again. What a little snit! Anyway, I am taking your advice, and breaking up with her. Mom! something is wrong wi… Mom…
@firstname.lastname@example.org – 8/31/20
Hi, Mom! I couldn’t believe Allie. She had my TV/Internet disconnected. Sorry that I couldn’t get through to you but I didn’t have any minutes left on my phone. I went to US cellular and changed my plan.
It’s now unlimited. So, Allie can stick that up her little frame. She tried to delete the emails. What did I ever see in her?
Well, I put her in her place.
She won’t be bothering us again. I will not have her bullying me into loving her any longer. Corrie agreed that we are just friends and has no problem with my feelings for Si. He has yet to commit but says he is very fond of me. It’s a start.
His accent is glorious.
@email@example.com – 9/2/20
Guess what, Mom? We are going on a little vacation. Si has it all mapped out. Wisconsin Dells, here we come! Corrie is watching the house for us.
It has all worked out well considering the judge was so kind and understanding. He gave me a few odd looks but I took them as compassionate. Didn’t you? Anyway, I must get my chair and van ready for the long trip. I’m sorry that it worked out so poorly with Allie but all I can say going forward is “Alexa, off!”
Need a little more fiction? Try these others from MockingOwl Roost contributors and staff.
Sue Cook lives in Freeport, Illinois with her husband Randy and two dogs. Her passions include assistance dogs, rescue dogs, music, acting, theater, poetry, and Doctor Who. She’s been in both film and theater and is a regular cast member of the podcast Doctor Who’s Line is it….Anyway? Sue is an advocate for the use of Service Dogs to assist their disabled handlers to maintain their independence. Quigley’s Quest, her first children’s book, addresses how a dog becomes a Service Dog.